FOOTBALLS ARE ROUND!

Soccer – The Most Important of Life’s Unimportant Things


July 4, 2003

Kindergarten


by @ 5:40 pm.
Filed under Miscellany

From the “Things that give soccer a bad name department” comes this nonsense from the Metros v Earthquakes match on 2 July:

Amado Guevara, Honduran forward and part-time dramatist (see this link for an example), is taking a throw-in in front of the Earthquakes bench. For reasons that one can only speculate upon, Ramiro Corrales,who used to play for the Metros before coming to the Earthquakes, leans forward from his seat on the bench and pulls Guevara’s shirt, keeping him from taking the throw-in. He then swipes at Guevara with a towel.

What in wide wide world of sports is that about? This is ostensibly a professional game, and Corrales is acting like it’s Saturday afternoon in the beer-league at the local park.

But that wasn’t all. It gets better, or worse, as it were. Guevara, reacting to getting touched by Corrales’ towel (touched, mind you, not popped , like you wind up a towel and pop someone hard and make it hurt), puts his hands to his face and falls to the ground as if he’d been shot by an elephant rifle. The compulsory bench clearing scuffle ensues, with all the macho posturing, pushing and finger pointing that such an activity requires under union rules. Corrales is given a red card for interfering with the game, Guevara for taking a repulsive dive. Guevara will probably receive a hefty fine from the Screen Actors Guild as well.

All of this is a shame. And even more so because the game itself was so utterly compelling on its own. The final score was 4-4, with goals in stoppage time from both teams, one to take the lead by Clint Mathis, and one to tie the game by Landon Donavan. The sandbox nonsense was not necessary to make this game entertaining.

Whenever I discuss soccer with my Dad (not a fan, he), he always mentions the fact that soccer players are sissies because they roll and writhe and act like they’re dying every time they get touched during the run of play. I counter with the idea that this is not an aspect of the American game, and that if he gave the sport a fair chance, he’d find it at least as entertaining as American Football, which is slow and boring by comparison.

If he’d have seen this game, he could have rightly said that we’re both right about soccer. Unfortunately.

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