Footballs Are Round!

Latest Stream of Consciousness Match Report, over at 3rd Degree.

Week 16 Notes:

• D.J. Countess starts in place of Henry Ring for Chicago. Someone explain this to me. I’m just going to assume, to preserve my own sanity, that Ring has a knock or just needed the rest; maybe a family emergency of some sort. My already tenuous sense of order in the universe demands that it be one of those things.

• Clint Dempsey is going to force Bruce Arena to give him a call up if he keeps up this pace. He’s just doing everything right that a young player can do. Hustle, brains, attitude, finishing. He’s got it all. He’s this year’s Taylor Twellman. Hopefully minus the injuries.

• You can tell New England is emerging from the dark pit of injury despair. Steve Nicol had to leave Felix Brillant, one of this year’s nicest surprises, a creative finisher, on the bench against Chicago. It’s been a while since the Revs could afford to leave talent on the bench.

• Taylor Twellman gets two goals and a red card. Not good for Steve Nicol. Still, you heard it here first: A healthy New England not only makes the playoffs, but gets out of the first round. Really. No, I mean it.

• The only entertaining part of the Galaxy/Rapids match was seeing Ruiz get a yellow card for diving. Not that that’s not enough for me. I was plenty satisfied, despite the fact that the rest of the game not particularly compelling, and ended in a goal-less draw.

• As I have before, I congratulate Stone and Wynalda for not saying “Cha-Ching” when Brian Ching scored on Colorado. Rob Stone did refer to him as “The Big Kahuna”, however, so there is a slight deduction on style points.

• Clint Dempsey’s goal against Columbus on Saturday way harder than it looked. And it didn’t look easy to begin with. Running towards the goal, chests down the long service in, controls it and half-volleys it past Jon Busch. Wow.

• The Emmy nominations came out this week. Ruiz got three.

• Interesting look for the Fire this week with the yellow home jerseys. What’s up with the change in colors though?

Week 15 Notes:

• After being gifted with a 94th minute PK against Dallas Wednesday night, Landon Donavan had the nerve to say, “Someone high up doesn’t want us to win”. Uh-huh. Riiiiight. Did one of those faceless, nameless higher-ups tip Jeff Cassar that you were going left side with your PK attempt? It sure looked like he knew which way you were going.

• A combination of injuries and international callups left San Jose with only three field subs for their game against Metrostars. Obviously, somebody up high didn’t want them to win.

• Jamil Walker should be a star in this league, and probably will be someday. But he needs games like this week where the lineup is decimated to get a chance to play. He is the John Wolyniec of San Jose, except that Woly got his chance and made the most of it, while Jamil needs more chances and needs to do more with the chances he gets.

• The Dallas v Columbus match up reminds me that the first MLS match I ever attended was between those teams. It was at the Cotton Bowl on Cinco de Mayo in 1996. I still have the t-shirt, though it’s in danger of disintegrating each time I wash it these days. The most memorable thing about that game was watching Bo Oshoniyi throw the ball about 70 yards instead of punting it. Bo is still in the league, backing up Tony Meola in Kansas City. I also remember it was hot. Cotton candy was spontaneously combusting, that’s how hot it was.

• Freddy Adu and Alecko Eskandarian both get the start for DC United against Kansas City. I was starting to thing they were the same person; you know, because you never see them together at the same . . . ah never mind.

• Just for the record, Tony Meola still has the goods. He’s only gotten better over the years. He’s in great shape too, even though he’s pushing 40. I’m pushing 40, and I can barely mow the back yard without medical attention.

• Looks like a pretty good crowd in Kansas City. 26,000 or so is what I hear. I guess the relocation stories in the press lit a fire under the Wizards faithful.

• If Carlos Ruiz was ever actually injured, how would we know?

• I’ve said this many times before, but I have to repeat myself today because the problem is becoming epidemic in this league: ENOUGH with the white shoes already! Good heavens they look awful. If you wear those abominations, you had best be scoring 20 goals a year, or making saves that would make Lev Yashin jealous. Otherwise, it’s just wrong. And stupid looking. And annoying.

• CJ Brown planted a vicious elbow in Brian Kamler’s face and didn’t receive so much as a verbal reprimand. Jason Kreis got a straight red for not nearly as blatant or purposeful a shot the week before. Hmmm…. I’ll go ahead and stop with the “someone up high” jokes now. But you know it was there ready to be made. I deserve credit for my restraint, don’t you think?

• I love soccer. That should be clear. I think Americans who dismiss soccer as boring without making an effort to appreciate the sport are nekulturny. That said, this weekends games were boring, with the exception of the Fire/Revs match up Sunday night. I don’t know if it was the heat, injuries, international callups, poorly synchronized biorhythms, bad luck, or the alignment of the planets, but most of the matches were uninspired and slow. The Wednesday night Burn/Quakes game was a good ‘un, but come Saturday the league took an unplanned break from excitement.

• Taylor Twellman is back from injury. Good for the league, GREAT for the Revs. They’ve got to be the best last-place team in the history of soccer. Considering ¾ of their opening day starting team has gone down to injury at one time or another, they’ve done pretty well. And they play entertaining soccer to boot. If I had a second favorite team, it might be the Revs.

• Stevie Ralston, a perennial member of my All-underrated XI, scored a Goal Of They Year candidate off the freekick against Chicago. Check it out on the MLS website.

My Latest Steam of Consciousness Match Report.

Over there at 3rd Degree.

Week 14 Notes:

• The Rapids made a beautiful comeback to beat Metrostars 3-2 on Wednesday. Once again a kid we’ve never heard of comes out of nowhere to score a brace of goals, too. This kid Cila was sharp. The looks on the faces of both Tim Hankinson and Bob Bradley when Cila hit the winner in the 89th minute were just priceless. Hankinson looking like Ed McMahon had just handed him the Publishers Clearinghouse check, and Bob Bradley looking grim as cold death, and somewhat like Locutus of Borg.

• I know this is nit-picky, but shouldn’t a soccer broadcaster who is a former player know that the term is “offside” not “offsides”?

• My Dream scenario for any DC/MET game is that Dema hacks Guevara, who turns around and tries to scratch Dema’s eyes out, and they both get red cards. I don’t want anybody to be hurt, mind you, I just want to see them both be tossed. Is that asking too much?

• Congratulations to Troy Perkins. Last week I complained that Troy has to work a part time job to make ends meet. This week he was signed to a regular MLS contract making at least the league minimum, which while it may not be Shaq money, is at least a living wage. Now, I don’t want to come right out and say for sure that my comments tipped the scales in Troy’s favor, I just want to put the evidence out there and let you the reader decide.

• Having to hear “YOU JUST GOT BURNED JONNY WALKER!” from an announcer is a bit much, in my view. It was obnoxious and inappropriate. If you’re not going to add anything to the game, at least don’t detract from the joy of viewing.

• While we’re on the topic of soccer announcers, Sean Wheelock and Kenn Tomasch called the Milwaukee/Seattle A-League game for Fox Sports World last Friday and they were wonderful. Knowledgeable and under control, they let the game do the entertaining. It was a pleasure to listen to them. The ESPN crew need to take notes.

• Henry Ring was victimized by a flukish goal for the second time in as many weeks. Jeff Cunningham hit a shot that was blocked/deflected and proceeded to make a big looping arc right over Henry’s head for Columbus’s second goal. He may have been partially at fault last week for clearing better, but this week his was just the victim of dumb luck. He was down 2-0 at halftime after playing really well; the guy needs a luck transfusion.

• Great quote from Chicago’s Evan Whitfield at halftime, when asked about the rough play between him and the duo of Edson Buddle and Jeff Cunningham: “Yeah, those guys, they don’t like to be touched. I don’t know if it’s some kind of phobia or what.”

• Matt Reis pushed an Assistant Referee last week and only got a $500 fine. That’s inexcusable on the part of the MLS front office. You touch a ref, you get suspended; that’s the way it has to be. Otherwise, every ref out there is Earl Hebner.

• Jason Kreis is ejected in the 45th minute of the Burn/Wizards game. From the TV coverage it looked like he was going in for a tackle and pushed Kerry Zavagnin, who went down hurt. The referee clearly missed the play, waited several minutes, listened to the Wiz players whining, then went to talk to the AR, who was even further away from the play, then finally decides Jason should get a red. Dave Dir got it right when called this a “lobbying call”.

• Davey Arnaud gets the hat trick against Dallas. Normally I’d be overjoyed at any player getting their first professional 3-goal game. But he did against Dallas. In a 5-1 blowout. I don’t want to talk about it.

• Felix Brillant, Clint Dempsey, and Pat Noonan are a scary trio to have to contain. If Twellman gets healthy and Brillant quits dribbling about two seconds earlier when he’s in the box, New England are gonna be tough to beat.

• If ever there was a goal that epitomizes the phrase “against the run of play”, it was Delgado’s strike against New England in the 75th minute. By the way, did anyone catch the reason why Delgado had the name “Perez” on the back of his shirt?

• If every MLS game was like the first half of the LA/SJ game, there would be far less of an attendance problem. The second half, however, was typical of the feminine side of soccer that so many Americans hate. Carlos Ruiz faking injury and getting Mullan thrown out, Moreno making an early bid for an Oscar nomination, both sides swinging their handbags and acting faux-tough, lots of yapping, slapping and eye scratching. Landon Donavan and Cobi Jones facing off like they were in a dinner theater production of “West Side Story”. Typical LA/SJ stuff. Pathetic.

Another Missed Opportunity

I knew I shoulda put a thousand bucks down on Greece!

I heart the A-League

I thoroughly enjoyed FSW’s A-League matchup Friday night. Milwaukee hosted Seattle in a well played, hotly contested game. Very fun to watch. Not only that, the announcing combination of Sean Wheelock and Kenn Tomasch puts every other duo working American soccer these days to shame. If you’ve never read Kenn’s Threesixone soccer magazine, do so now. He’s without a doubt the funniest man in American soccer.

Maybe Oklahoma City should get an A-League franchise, now that our MLS dreams have been shattered. Hmm….

Memo to Dr. Chuck: Just on a whim, I sent a resume’ to the Silverbacks, after seeing a job opening on their website. If you know anybody in the front office, put in a good word.