Soccer – The Most Important of Life’s Unimportant Things

February 13, 2006


by @ 2:02 pm.
Filed under Miscellany

I’m marrying a Chelsea fan.

And not only that, it’s my fault she’s a Chelsea fan.

See, a year ago, she didn’t even care about soccer. All she cared about was Notre Dame football. But then we started hanging out. A lot. You know, like people who are going to end up married do. Part of that involved watching lots of English soccer on Saturdays and Sundays. She would watch it with me, initially, because she’s just a good natured woman and wanted to show interest in something that I am, to put it mildly, interested in.

Well, then, after a few months, she started getting into it. And one fateful Saturday, while we were watching Chelsea thrash someone on Fox Soccer Channel, she noticed two things. One, that Arjen Robben is really, really good. Two, that Jose Mourinho is a suave, debonair, Euro-slick lookin’ sonovagun.

She was hooked. She was a Chelsea fan. Not just a Chelsea fan, but, like, a rabid, obnoxious, hates-every-other-team-in-England Chelsea fan. As if this wasn’t bad enough, she has started making these little “ooh” and “ahh” sounds whenever she watches that stupid American Express commercial (you know, the one where the great Mourinho utters those immortal words of soccer wisdom: “zhu hef to bloke th’ keeper, an zhu haf to beleef you can score”).

Not that this makes me love her any less. Rather, it’s all very cute and endearing. The only catch is that I despise Chelsea, and because of certain fundamental personality flaws that are deeply ingrained in my psyche, I am all but completely unable to keep my mouth shut about the fact that I despise Chelsea.

I mean, I can’t even point out that Arjen Robben looked like a diving little Dutch sissy-boy the other day when Jose Reina pushed him down (with no more effort than it takes to shoo a fly) without her getting extrememely emotional and irrational.

It really is great fun.

Anyway, we’re getting married in two days, and I’m really looking forward to a lifetime of arguments about whether Roman Abramovich is the George Steinbrenner of Russia, and lots of fun stuff like that.

2 Responses to “CHELSEA”

  1. Steven Cohen Says:

    You have done very well. There is only one team and that is the men in blue. Just watch Fox Football Friday and you will what i mean.

  2. jviuff Says:


    oojtnyaqs yncchxme yttposfk qlbpkcqwke …

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